hello school, goodbye summer

Summer is a wild card at our house when it comes to my writing time. There have been years when I’ve gotten up at five a.m., years when I’ve stayed up until two a.m., years when I cobbled together nap time and screen time. And then there was this year.

A parenting milestone I was unaware of before this summer is the one where your child begins staying up late—and wanting to hang out with you. We already bump bedtime back an hour in the summer because those Idaho nights are bright until about ten p.m., but I have a pre-teen who wanted to hang out after his siblings finally fell asleep around 9:30. And despite the later bedtimes, because of those long northern daylight hours, my kids usually were still up by eight.

This was difficult in part because I rarely found any time to myself, much less time to be creative, and additionally because our family has been dealing with some struggles that are too private to detail in a public-facing newsletter, and I desperately needed a recharge. We’re still sitting right in the middle of most of it, but the good news (for me, at least) is that school is back in session as of last week.

I always have a brief existential crisis of motherhood when school starts back up. My Instagram feed is always flooded with posts of mothers crying as they say goodbye to their kids and mourning the freedom of summer—or mothers preparing for homeschool with their cute curriculums. I’m not one of those moms, and I’ve told myself that’s okay, but it’s hard not to feel guilty about the full-body relief I feel when I finally have some time to myself. Part of that is my own wiring—I’m an easily over-stimulated introvert who needs time to myself to really be mentally well—and part of it is my kids’ wiring—more than half of them are neurodivergent in some way, and they crave structure and stimulation in a way that I can attempt to give them but almost always fall short of.

The older I get, the less that little existential crisis tugs at me. I know my kids do better when they’re leaving home and socializing with their friends (I’m not saying all kids; I’m just saying my kids) and I know I’m a better mom when I have some self-directed time as well. I can experience the sweetness of motherhood more distinctly when I’m not drowning in it all the time.

With that said, wherever your feelings are right now—excited to send to kids to school, crying because you miss them, some mixture of the two, or just excited that the museums and parks are less crowded now that the public school kids are back in their classrooms—there’s space for all of us.

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What worked this summer

:: Going on a trip to Los Angeles. I hadn’t been back in nearly a decade, although this past year I’ve been spiritually immersed in the city as I’ve worked on my book. Spending time on my own while my husband did a class was such an amazing, five-senses experience and a much-needed oasis of personal space. At one point, my husband and I walked past a spot where a pivotal scene in my novel occurred, and it was a crazy feeling. I’d been to that spot dozens of times, but revisiting it after I’d recreated it mentally was wild. Do I sound like a crazy person? I guess all writers are.

:: Our local swimming hole. When I lived in the South, I paid a neighborhood that had a pool for summer access. My neighborhood here in Idaho doesn’t have a pool, although most neighborhoods do, so I’ve been at the mercy of friends with pools to be invited. They were very generous, but there’s something about being able to just throw your kids in the water when they’re tired and cranky that I’ve missed. However, this summer I learned about a local pond (a big one—like lake-sized. I know it sounds gross but hear me out) and we went several times this summer. I’m planning on going by myself this week while the kids are in school. It’s not quite as easy as dropping by a pool, but it has worked well for us.

:: The Sealey Challenge. For the last several years, in the month of August, I’ve read a book of poetry every day. I get behind sometimes—I’m currently two days behind. Some years I haven’t finished. But immersing myself in gorgeous language all day is really creativity-stimulating and rewarding. Not to mention it beefs up my Goodreads challenge numbers.

What I’m looking forward to for the rest of the month and September

:: Sweaters. I have a new friend who moved here recently from Arizona, and this is the first thing she brought up. I can’t agree more. I love feeling cozy, and I’m ashamed to admit I’ve already bought a new sweater.

:: Concerts. I’m going to Lainey Wilson with friends and Something Corporate with my husband. Live music is such a source of happiness for me, and I’m glad I have a couple to look forward to in the middle of a tough season.

:: Pumpkin everything. Yes, I’ll be haunting the aisles of Trader Joe’s and putting pumpkin pie protein in my morning beverage. Sue me.

:: Alone time. My kid-free hours are shrinking a little bit this year because middle school gets out about an hour earlier than the elementary school, so I need to be especially intentional about how I use my time during the day. Last year, there were many days when I wasted time by getting distracted by technology or puttering around, half-heartedly cleaning without really accomplishing anything. I’m trying to be more thoughtful about what I’ll be doing during those hours and making sure they are rewarding in some way, whether that’s by effectively and efficiently caring for my home, concentrating on work, or purposefully taking a break by doing something I love rather than getting sucked into a screen.

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recently written

:: Bec of The Sunday Morning Snuggle asked me to write an essay about friendship while she is on maternity leave. I was so honored to have my words share space with her beautiful newsletter. Here’s the essay, “Slow-Blooming Friendship.”

:: Because it’s been a while since I’ve written this newsletter consistently, I have a few poems to share with you from Part-Time Poets:

One about baby teeth

One about being influenced creatively

One about my kitchen floor

One about craving gentleness

:: Finally, I’m sharing a slightly older essay I wrote, because it’s been a sort of voice through the mist that has helped me through a hard season of parenting.

recently read

I’ve read piles and piles of books this summer (and paid subscribers will get the full rundown over the next couple of weeks). But what stood out for me as the book this summer was Colton Gentry’s Third Act.

I think I loved it especially because the book covers topics and tropes that are particularly interesting to me—fame and music have been favorite themes in my personal writing and in the books I read, and I always love a piece of well-done food writing. Second-chance romance is one of my favorite romance tropes, and I can’t get enough of a southern setting. But all of that aside, I think the book is a solid choice for any reader. It’s well-written with great voicing, the action keeps moving, and I absolutely loved the characters. While I read it in the summer, much of the story takes place in early fall, so it’s a perfect August or September read if you’re a seasonal reader.

recently watched

I rarely watch documentaries, but I did turn on Dirty Pop, an expose about the founder of Backstreet Boys, *NYSNC, and various other musical acts. The first episode was fascinating for me—I loved learning about how the bands came together and the business aspect of it. However, the second and third episodes both put me to sleep. I think I was more interested in the musicians than the misdeeds of Lou Pearlman (and the AI rendering of him reading passages from his business book were deeply creepy to me—hello, uncanny valley).

recently listened

There seems to be no slowing down as far as great music releases go—I continue to be immersed in the slew of Pop Girl Spring releases. I’ve also enjoyed Post Malone’s F-1 Trillion: Long Bed (what in the Taylor Swift with his double-album release), Kacey Musgraves’ extension of Deeper Well (I’m hoping to figure out how to play “Irish Goodbye” on the harp), Hozier’s new EP, Zach Bryan’s newest, etc. There are several albums dropping this weekend, too—it seems like there’s never a shortage of music to listen to.

I fully recognize that summer is winding down or already wound down for most of us, but I spent most of June and July blasting this playlist in the car (complete with suggestions from my kids) or relaxing under the porch fan with this one.

I’ve also been deep-diving some of my favorite albums and adding all the songs they remind me of—a sort of word-association music game. (Did you guys ever play that game “Shut up” where someone would start singing something and then someone else would interrupt with a line from another song that matched the original song?) Because it’s folklore season, I made a music-association playlist for it that you can listen to below:

recently eaten

I’ve been making these blueberry muffin cookies on repeat, and I’ve also tried a variation with huckleberries. They are to die for.

recently bought

My friends, I could not resist these Stranger Things-inspired candles. I bought Eddie’s Leather Jacket (because duh) and The Upside Down. Last year I was pretty vehemently for letting summer be summer and not hastening fall, but I have no desire to hang on to summer this year. I am ready to embrace fall full speed ahead.

I’m in my skirt era and have bought this one in both colors.

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Tell me what you’re up to in the comments! Are you an embrace-the-pumpkin-before-September fall-lover or are you hanging on to poolside lounging? What do you love most about this change in seasons? I’ll be back in your inbox soon!